Behind my Libra facade (ascendant) of light and charm lurks a shadow (pluto) that constantly threatens to crack through my brightly reflective shield. I sometimes feel like I vibrate with the internal struggle that is containing my weird dark self behind the goody goody beauty front- which I call the Smile and Serve- that protects my (Leo) ego from the criticism of our blunt cruel world.
What is so dark about me? I love astrology and plants. Illicit knowledge is what hides behind the hostess smile.
I've long had a deep love for what I dubbed "Section 133." There, tucked into the nonfiction section of the library, behind the books about Christianity and other world religions, was this shelf. This illicit shelf full of books about things like sun signs, palm reading, psychic experiences, and dream interpretations. Everyone around me thought these types of subjects were either fake or evil or both.
I was generally a good kid, but this was one thing where I actually went out of my way sneaking around. I never cared about boys or parties or sexy clothes but forbidden books? For that, I made elaborate plans to take trips to the library alone. I'd hide the books in my backpack, under my bed, in other books. Now as an adult, the secret keeping continues but on a subtler level. Instead of hiding books, I just read Section 133 EBooks. And my one recurring debt that I hide from my husband is library fines.😂
But you can't get to where you're going by traveling like you always have. I can't keep hiding the most passionate parts of myself if I ever expect to get where I want to go. Integration is necessary. So instead of hiding, I'm saying Hi. 👋